Narcissism - Why YOU

I know how guilty you as a once STRONG individual feel by now.  You can not believe that you let all this happen in and around you.  You feel like YOU failed at being the Protector of your kids, being a good wife / husband, and you do not know how to answer family or friends when they say things like...  " why did you not JUST get him out or LEFT him?

Here is what THEY (You and your loved ones do not know about YOUR Narcissist.

You see, a Narcissist is much cleverer then anyone give them credit for.  There are a few things they look for in their victims.  This will shock you!!

You HAVE TO HAVE SOME OR MOST IF THESE TRAITS to qualify as a GOOD victim...

1.  You have to be either beautiful

2.  Have lots of money

3.  Talented

4.  Have LOTS OF EMPATHY

5.  Have an important title

6.  Strong Character

Now i don't see myself as beautiful, never did till more recent.  I took home R40000 per month and that was just my permanent job, with my music i made way more.  I am a decent Singer.  Being an Orphan you bet i have PROBABLY more empathy  then i needed

Why is this important?

A Narcissist is an EMPTY VESSEL...  they SEEM confident and succesful but they really aren't.  You see that is why YOU have to have certain traits.  Let me explain.

Very quickly he explained why he didn t need to work at my brothers security Company watching monitors for  R6000 bucks a month... " because his wife makes enough!  He actually verbalised this to a colleague and well didn't work there no more.

Whenever i sang at some place, Bennie would sit next to people watching and listening to me perform.  Whenever they sang my praises, it would be him hearing it and you could see him push out his chest... they could have just as well told him, He sang beautifully.  He soaked it up like a spunge. Just want to flip the coin here again.  If a guy sat watching me intensely, Bennie would flip OUT making it very clear to everyone that this guy had a crush on me.  One occation it was his own Nephew and once it was mine.  "Very embarrassing  moments for me as i was the entertainer and this was my husband freaking out in front of everyone.  Not sure what he told everyone around him and why they all became his good friends, but i could guess as where i were respected before Bennie came into my life, the same "friends" didn't have it for me anymore and they knew me years before they ever met him, through me... Once he even tried lifting the speakers off the stands wanting to throw them on the ground.  Luckily the Manager saw this and came running from the office to stop him.

A big reason i felt sorry for Bennie's misbehaving had to do with a conversation i had with his ex-wife.  She explained that they had Bennie tested once and it was clear on the Catscans that some lobes in his brain that creates Empathy did not work, it was under developed.  Now how then can i blame this guy if he doesn't have control over it? 

The following part was the excuse for his drinking and because i exhibit a LOT of empathy, this made me turn Bennie into a bigger victim then i would myself.

He explained that when he was young, his father asked Bennie to move the cattle on the farm and shoot the warthogs plaguing the farm.  As he lied there aiming to shoot the warthog, their forman's son walked past and he basically killed him, shooting him in the neck.  Wow i felt so sorry for poor Bennie.  Surely you can understand the trauma this would cause anyone?  It wasn't till we were divorced that i spoke to another school friend that went to the same school that me and Bennie went to that i found out what really happened here.

The above mentioned story DID happen....  but not to Bennie!!! Yes you heard it right.  He told me that after the boy told his friends at school about what happened, VISIBLY SHAKEN UP about it... a few days later, Bennie came to the school, claiming that the same happened to him... you see here again - Bennie saw the friends Caring and supporting the real victim and turned the tables to get the same Love and support.  But my friend told me they did not respect Bennie at all, due to these types of things.

So I BEG YOU, know for a fact that YOU where HAND PICKED due to exhibiting GOOD qualities.  Easier said then done.. i still struggle to understand it or to forgive myself for what i claim to be My own weaknesses during these times.  But we have to try.

Prepping his Victim...

This part is extremely important to read AND share with YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY to better understand how it is even possible to have fallen in love with your Narcissist.

They STUDY you!!!!

This is in the VERY early stages of your relationship.  They will ask LOTS of questions, getting to know you inside out.  This is where they know what makes you, breaks you, what you LOVE and what you hate.  Sounds like they are really invested in you and this relationship hey?

They are doing this PURELY so they can MIMIC!!!!! what you Love, despice what you hate etc... they are now making you believe that you were MADE for eachother.  They do what you love , claim to feel exactly the way you feel about EVERYTHING.  (Boy, can they act)  you will NOT see them coming!!  Once they have you, hook, line and sinker is when they flip the switch.  Here on further - and this is why they want a strong person too... how great is it to know you took a strong human being, got them head over heels in love with you, make them doubt everything they thought they knew about who they are, the type of parents they thought they were, their religion, break them, throw them away (BELIEVE ME they THROW you away, and then reels you back in... just because they got to study you so well.

Don't be too hard on yourself.

In my next blog

i will explain why it is so hard to leave them.

Take care